Tasmania Wildside Mountain Bike Race - Getting there by Bruce Turvey

Our resident house Swazi Frontiers Pedal Studio Mountain Bike Champ writes exclusively for Pedal Studio as his adventures diverts his attention from Swaziland and the Cape Epic to ''Down'Under'-the-Under''. Feel free to drop him a line and ask him questions. Some say he is a rower, others a herd boy from Africa. Oxford University (Mpumalanga) have conveyed and English award - all we know is ...... he is the Sturve.

Why Tasmania?

Why travel half way round the planet and across countless time zones to ride a mountain bike in a place so far south of Australia you would be forgiven for thinking it was the Antarctic? So far south in fact, even the Aussies don’t consider Tasmania to be part of Australia? Short answer....I don’t know!!

Anyway, we did, my brother Doug and I....and this is how it went down. You may have heard me drivel on about the race in Swaziland, one I entered with my rowing mate Warren two years ago. He’s the guy that got relocated to a nearly uninhabited mining island north of Australia. On any other day it doubles as the rectum of the world. Naturally, a well adjusted South African such as myself knows better than to go to Australia, let alone Australia’s Northern rectum. (Whoever heard of a rectum in the North anyway, those things usually reside in the South.)

So the deal between Warren and myself was, I’ll come to Australia for a visit, but only if we can do a worthwhile mountain bike race and have some beers afterwards. The hunt was on for such a race. As it turns out, I was busy trying to shower in a waterless shower during one of the ABSA Cape Epic stages. As happens in waterless showers, all the occupants exit the shower in various stages of lather, lubrication and moisture (starting to sound like a porn movie) and take in the African sun. They also get talking while waiting for the fire truck to arrive (don’t ask) to refuel our shower action. In the cubicle next to me was an Australian Sheila (that’s Tazzi for female) and we got talking about the relative merits of certain MTB races around the world. In her slightly nasaly Aussie twang reminiscent of a breaking guitar string she informed me of the Tasmanian Wildside Mountain bike race. “Best in the world” she said, which begs the question why was the Cape’s finest wineland dust on her mountain bike – I just put it down to good marketing on the Epic’s part. Big up themselves.


For some reason, I believed her, informed Warren and before I knew it, I had booked a flight and signed up for about 34 quality hours of arguing with the Australian Embassy to get a visa to enter their country. When my brother Doug heard about this adventure, he signed up for some of the Aussie action and our touring party was three. Now getting yourself, your brother and your bike to Australia is almost as hard as pronouncing Woolongong, seriously, that’s actually a place in Oz. Hints and tips of getting bikes into Australia.

1. They have to be sparkling clean - if there is a trace of organic matter anywhere on the bike, it gets quarantined by the fun police (these okes are everywhere

2. Get the bike professionally cleaned by a bike shop and get them to provide a certificate declaring complete absence of said offensive organic matter

3. Pack light. It’s not easy coming in under 20kg flight restriction placed on you by Qantas

4. Hint; put all the heaviest stuff in your backpack and take it on the plane, but nothing that resembles a box knife, multi tool or anything else that may destabilise international security

5. Better still, have your bike weighed and checked into the “Special baggage” area and when the lady with all the hair product isn’t looking, stuff your heaviest piece of luggage into your bike bag. Not strictly legal, but great adrenalin rush and always rewarding to sneak one past the fun police.

6. Buy your powders, gels, tire lube etc in Oz – that stuff is not light

7. Once in Oz, use Virgin Airlines instead of Qantas flights to get around – they have an allowance for sports equipment

8. Hope for the best

Some closes shaves with immigration, the fun police and a handful of cavity searchers and our troubles were over.....the race was about to begin...well not really, but sort of.

To be continued.......